The paradox of choice

We’re in an unprecedented time in history, where women in my generation have grown up with well-meaning parents telling us “you can be anything you want to be,” raising us to have high standards and ambition. And a lot of us have taken that up—but our culture is still rife of old patriarchal expectations and hangovers (like the wage gap), and women still undertaking most of the emotional labor. I’ve been thinking about this in context of the paradox of choice, and the resulting confusion of great expectations and conflicting demands. We have all these options ahead of us (go back to grad school? aim for that big promotion? swipe through 100s of guys on Tinder? to rent or to buy? is motherhood for me? etc., etc., ad nauseum), but rather than feeling empowered by choice, we feel paralyzed by indecision. And even when we do decide, there’s possibility of being plagued by the “grass is always greener” syndrome, or worse, being blocked by institutionalized sexism.

I’ve been reading (and sharing) this article in The Cut called “The Ambition Collision” that touches on all of the above topics, but I found the takeaways at the end the most insightful and actionable. For the TL;DR crowd, Lisa Miller’s lesson is an exercise in mindfulness and focusing on what is most important in our lives. “No woman should be expected to find all her happiness in one place. […] To be clear: This is not about settling, about making peace with the humdrum sexism of traditional workplaces. Rage and revolution are called for, and such upheaval requires more professional investment by more females, not less. Instead, this is about a shift in perspective — an appreciation for imperfect circumstances and unmet yearnings as facts of life, and a willingness to seek gratifications and inspirations outside the boundaries of a job. Dogs are helpful in this regard. So are children and friends and sports and museums and live music and sex and activism and charity.”