Dressed Up and No Where to Go

(Lengthy post but an important read.)
Warning: This might change your world forever.
I wondered about publishing this. It is so easy for folks to misinterpret the good intentions of a post. But I decided it was something I would like to share. Some might say, that I am trying to guilt them into doing something, or that it is not my place to tell them what they should do and what they should or should not care about. Correct! But, the point of this post is just a simple reminder and a small challenge. My hope is the we might, not only think about this but that it would motivate us to act. Even if it is just something easy and simple that we do, we should do something.
I am a pianist. Not a great one but I love playing. Over the past few years I have been playing piano at different facilities for older folks. Some of them pretty extravagant and some very basic… and some I would not want to live in. When I go in, they usually have all the folks gathered in a big meeting area. They enter with walkers, wheel chairs, some in portable beds, and, of course some shuffling slowly into the room to find a place to listen. I notice them and get to know them.
If I go early or stay late, I often walk down the halls. There are folks sitting by their doors, usually staring off with dull glazed eyes, hunched over in posture of sadness. They seem distance and often do not connect to my greetings or invitation to come hear my music.
Then there are those who tightly clutch my hand, almost trying to squeeze out a little joy for themselves. They look up at me and with great effort push up a smile. The smile seems to say that there is still life inside, that this human touch brings back a reconnection of being touched and being loved.
I imagine that time must drag on, day after day, not sitting in the sunlight, or in the park, or across the dinner table from a loving family, but in a lonely hallway where the silence is only broken by the ringing of a room bell or the song of a sad moan. Sometimes they sit on their beds or in wheel chairs looking longingly out the window. I would suppose they are reminiscing about their children or their own childhood. Maybe they are remembering the feel of warm summer air rushing through their hair as they were lifted high by the swing in the park. Maybe there’s a memory of the dizzy feeling of rolling down a grassy hill. Perhaps it is something as simple as walking the dog and remembering that companionship. Their minds must long to feel and not just to think. They must dream about not being confined by their environment or physical limitations.
Many of these people are alone in this world, nearly forgotten by friends or family, who may wander in once a week or month or more. Many have lost their life-long partners, or do not have children. Many of the older ones are the only ones left in their clan, all their friends and family have passed before them. They have been pulled out of the world, their houses, their cars, their every day chores and the joy of simply taking care of themselves. They have no more opinions, the will be heard. Their stories are spoken in an empty room. There is no one to discuss a thought with, no one to listen to their descriptions of their pain and no one lying in the bed beside them.
Many don’t know who the leaders of our lands are. The don’t know about the world wide pandemic. Many never see the news, or can’t hear it. The seem to become more and more disconnected. No doubt, there was not a day in their lives that they thought that their last days would come to be a life of isolation. They hunger for interaction and no one reaches in.
But when someone walks in, not to say a passing “hello” but to sit with them and touch them and sing an old song with them, there is a connection again. Yes, there are those who are already lost, uncoupled from the world by time and afflictions like dementia or Alzheimers. Some can no longer hear the world. Some cannot walk by out into the world. But all can connect with kindness and the touch of love.
I once read a thought, that America is the only country that throws away its aged. Many cultures hold the aged in high esteem and highly prize their words of wisdom. In many cultures it is deemed an honor for a child or younger person to sit and listen to their words. The young realize their indebtedness to the old and pay that debt in caring for the elderly. Youth is not the mantra of those societies, where the young have greater value, and media markets the value, glamour and necessity of being young. These communities find silver in the hair a desired trait because with it comes with wisdom and honor from their own people.
Within the last few years, I have had to make some heartbreaking decisions, when both of my parents needed care, care that I could not provide. Their last years were times when they no longer connected me or the world around them. I wish I could have slipped into their mind for just a while, maybe just to relive that time when we laughed together, or fished, or argued, or… that wonderful time that we embraced and I felt that treasured kiss on my cheek. I wished I had been able to spend more time with them in their last days, just to be there to relieve the loneliness.
I sit here with tears on my face, longing for just one more touch, to hear one more word, to hear them laugh again and to hear that soft whisper, “I love you.” I still have love to give them and I feel it is wasted. Too soon there was no flesh to touch and I now I feel loneliness. No, I don’t dismiss those around me now, those that I love just as much but that one kind of love is stifled, yearning for just one more moment to express it and feel it.
This kind of love cannot be showered on them anymore, but it is still there. The power it has to help and touch is still potent and usable. I discovered that I could still use this love’s great strength. I could still share it with someone and still bring that kind of love to them.
When I walk down the halls of these facilities, I see someone’s mother, and someone’s father, and grandmother and grandfather… etc. and think they may be dying for that kind of love. And all the while my life goes on, the hustle and bustle and the importance of doing meaningless things goes on and I am caught up in myself, often unaware of those who are “put away,” who don’t know the technology, or the lingo, or the fashions of this present time, forgotten by me, by us. They don’t know how to talk about these things. But do I have time to listen. I have forgotten about the power that I have in my heart to change their worlds in a moment, and perhaps….till the end of their days.
This epiphany lead me to a message that I would like to share. My generation has about arrived, we are about there but still our hearts hold the power of love to give. We all contain this power that has more effect than we will ever realize.
Seeing these folks scares me. It makes me want to stay at home with my music, to avoid the sadness and to avoid the picture of me in that chair. I fear that loneliness too will be my plight. I ask myself about my tomorrows and will I be forgotten. And you too, whether you are a child or in the prime of your life, you, like me are following the elderly. There is no way around it. All the creams, lotions, shots and exercises cannot prevent your destiny of old age. And you may be, even now, pondering those final years, where you will meet your demise and you may ask, will there be someone beside me.
I have heard people say that they don’t seem to have meaning in their lives, they have nothing to live for or they just are not happy with living. If you feel that way, I can help you solve that issue with a challenge. And even if you are happy as a lark, your life can be multiple times more joyful with this challenge.
Challenge: Go to the nearest old folks home, veterans home, facilities for the physically or mentally handicapped…etc. Not to see that you are so much better off but to give meaning to another life and in turn your life will return.
Most of the religions of the world have commonalities that are universal to man. One of which is that we are here to make an impact in someone’s life. It is not the one with the most toys that wins when they die but the one who gave the most toys away. In the christian faith it is said, “It is more blessed to give than recieve.” There is no pleasure greater than giving to someone. In reality giving to others is the duty of all mankind. We are responsible for and to ourselves.
So, I am presenting to you this challenge. I know that our lives are busy and we can’t seem to get it all done but is it all really necessary. Is it all making us better? When we sit with our eyes glued to a screen, taking in no mental or emotional nourishment, is it making our lives better? Why not take that time and touch someone.
Without a doubt there is a retirement community, or nursing home, a care facility (or whatever they call it) near you. Could you spare some time…. no, would make some time to visit someone in one of those places. Make a new friend. Maybe there is someone there that never gets a visit. Yes, it would be hard and it is frightening, and … the smell might not be of roses, but great accomplishments are always difficult. That is what makes them great. The difficulty gives the act value. In this case the value is multiplied by the power of kindness.
They say to leave the world better than you found it. You can do that by letting the folks in these homes/facilities, near you, leave the world with a little better life because they found you.
Make a new friend. You might want to teach a skill, or read a book, or play some music, or just sit down and ask, “Tell me about your childhood.” Then listen and give greater joy to someone’s life. (You may learn something.) I guarantee that it will make your life better. If you are young, put down your device, if only for a few short time, and just be with an aged person. Touch their hand. If you dare, and it’s true, look into their faded eyes and tell them that you love them. Then go back, often. And once they get to know you, when they see you coming, they will not have to push up a smile, but the joy will bubble it up, even spilling into your heart and you will change their world and your own.
Take chance and give it a try.
I would love to know if anyone takes this challenge. Even more so, how it affected your life.
Thanks for reading this post.
Enjoy today’s illustration post.
(I will most likely post this again this evening for people who live in different time zones or are just night owls.)