Functional Design

So I'm trying to create a simple PHP function that will output a statement and also be read by anyone. I have tried to come up with a few "plays on words" and allow for free reading of the statements through the code, does that make sense?

Reading through the function you should be able to find statements like:

'i design'
'i develop'
'i teach'
'i speak'
'i crave projects' (both vertically and horizontally)
'i can help'
'loves wordpress'
'builds the web'
'experiments with HTML5 and CSS3'

The next step will be to design this in a nice legible fashion